Tourist

being a tourist in my homeland is complicated
I look like I belong depending of where I am
In Lima and Oxapampa I look like a local
but quickly give myself away the minute I speak
the minute my bilingual English prominent brain
struggles to find the correct words in spanish
to express myself
and for the most part people are patient as I pause
for a few minutes
as I wait for my mind to find the right noun,
verb, conjugation to not sound like an American idiot
and constantly being in awe about everything
gives me Alice in Wonderland syndrome
it makes me have a competition in my mind
about America and Peru
(America always loses)
because from the most delicious food
and smoothest beer
to the warmth of the people
who call me reina y amor
to the most beautiful landscape and sunsets
I’ve seen in my life
I fall in love every single day with my homeland
and grief grows within me each day
knowing I’ll have to go back to my American reality
where people are detached and distant individuals
and food is heavily processed
and I’m always asked, “where are you from?”

Patty Tacuri resides in Athens, GA. She has a blog called Life on the BPD, where she talks about various topics ranging from relationships to mental health to politics.She writes poetry to process the intense emotions that come with having mental illness. It is reflective of the experiences she’s had being a working-class Latinx first-generation millennial woman with mental health issues.In her free time, she spends time with her friends and kids, writes poetry, short stories, and essays. She also likes to go to open mic and perform her poetry.